Dark Rising

(2007 – Canada) writ & dir: Andrew Cymek; w/ Landy Cannon, Brigite Kingsley, Julia Schneider, Jason Reso. A little skin, a little blood.
A lovelorn schmuck goes on a camping trip with some pals… then the witchy girl opens a portal and suddenly there’s a bloodthirsty demon and a kick-ass babe. The budget and expectations are pretty low here – but surprisingly, there’s some genuine talent and some hard work. It almost succeeds in being a fun little tongue-in-cheek romp. What fails it is not the budget, but a poorly constructed script that didn’t survive the trip through the editing room. If the flick had actually told a story and used its characters better, it might have been a right giggle. It’s still kinda tolerable, if you can afford enough slack.

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Mega-Shark Versus Crocosaurus

(2010) dir: Christopher Douglas-Olen Ray; w/ Jaleel White, Gary Stretch, Sarah Lieving, Robert Picardo. No skin; no gore.
The Big Shark chases the Big Croc because… eggs! The nervous Navy Guy and the smelly Hunter Guy run around and yell a lot because… experts! This one fails to live up to its own low standards. It almost sorta makes sense for a while, but halfway in, the screenwriter goes stark staring mad. From that point, it’s reduced to a jumble of gibbering nonsense, extra scenes for random bit players, and nukes, volcanoes, and more running and yelling. Even the FX work is weak for this entry. Actually, this flick has the odor of a broken production; as if the plot were invented in the editing room long after everyone else had moved on with their lives. Even for Critter Flick fans, this one is a miss.

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