Maneater

(2007 – Canada, for TV) dir: Gary Yates; w/ Gary Busey, Ian D. Clark, Ty Wood. No skin; wee smidge o’ gore.

An escaped tiger chews on a small backwoods town… and everything proceeds according to formula. They try to spice this one up by adding some interesting characters; that does help to patch up the pedestrian photography and predictable script, but they don’t actually contribute anything new to the story. In the end, it’s just another connect-the-dots Jaws remake – not really bad, just depressingly typical.

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Two-Headed Shark Attack

(2012) dir: Christopher Douglas-Olen Ray; w/ Carmen Electra (small part), Charlie O’Connell, Brooke Hogan, Christina Bach Norman. Brief bit o’ skin; mildest gore.

The usual batch of ditzy college kids battle a sinking boat, a sinking island, and a shark that can gobble two at once. This is a half-assed trifle clumsily stitched together from bikinis, teeth, bad acting, and a bit less than half a plot. The shark itself looks good enough, but it keeps changing size and the attack scenes are accomplished with quick cuts and close-ups of a rubber shark-mouth. I suppose it’s passably entertaining if you’re desperate enough.

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Grand Slam

(1967 – Italy) dir: Giuliano Montaldo; w/ Janet Leigh, Robert Hoffman, Klaus Kinski, (Edward G. Robinson, Adolfo Celi cameo bits). Teensiest peek o’ skin; no gore.

A retired school teacher plots an impossible diamond heist. It’s well-filmed with a decent cast, but it’s just your bog-standard caper flick. Although inventive and tense in spots, it’s brought down by having “insurmountable obstacles” solved by coincidence or hand-waving, not to mention the overly tricky ending. Suitably diverting, but not actually memorable.

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